concept limbo

Most times when you’re growing up, people stop patting you on the back for completing mundane things. I guess that’s expected. You get a big fucking hurrah for graduating high school, which really will be the easiest thing you’ll ever do for the rest of your life. But once you leave that shit hole and enter “adult” world, people not only stop blowing sunshine up your ass, but they also stop saying nice things in general. They start seeing you as an inept bitch, something cruising through the world that they think they earned their place in. People stop saying nice things, even if what you finished was of enormous worth. You stopped throwing up. You stopped drinking so much. You stopped slitting your wrists and popping pills. You’re growing up. Good job. I bet you haven’t heard that in a long time. All you’ve heard are questions about your major, your job, and your plans for the great fucking future. Questions and hard, hard criticisms because no matter what you’re choices or opinions are, they are not “tested” and “experienced.” Basically, they’re not good enough for anyone anymore. So you start doubting yourself…You were probably top of your class in high school or something of that sort. Super smart AP/IB type who took Calculus junior year. Suddenly all the looks of awe and accolades are gone. You’re just a fucking child and you’ve been through nothing and you’re self-absorbed and you’re all these things that 18, 19, and 20 year olds are. They don’t think or seem to remember what it was like to enter the skeptical world. So here you are, crying on the floor, looking for that last bottle of vodka somewhere at the bottom of your closet in your parents’ house.